Fabulous Fro Friday: Ernessa T. Carter

Please welcome the beautiful and witty Ernessa Carter to AfroTina. She is a wife, mother, blogger and author. I hope you enjoy her interview.

AT: Hi, tell us a little about yourself? What makes you tick?

EC: Oh, I’m SO bad at the “tell us a little bit about yourself” question. So I’ll just say I fell in love with writing when I was seven years old, and that love of story has guided my path ever since

AT: How would you describe natural beauty?

EC: I think it’s making the choice to dictate your own terms of what is beautiful.

AT: How has that definition of natural beauty true in your life?

EC: At one point I just kind of decided I was gorgeous. That’s been the gift of my 30s. Someone could come up right now and try to tell me otherwise and I’d be like, “No, you’re wrong. And moreover, you’re an idiot if you can’t see it.”

AT: What inspires your style?

EC: I don’t have a very specific style. I grew up with Madonna and so I try to change up my look yearly. I rocked glasses and sweater vests last Fall, and right now I’m transitioning into yet another look – something really simple and funky.

AT: What are your most valuable qualities?

EC: I think everything is funny. Even the things that aren’t funny. That comes in handier than one would suspect. Also, I’m in head-over-heels love with the human race.

AT: If you were a superhero, what would be your superpower? And how would you change the world with it?

EC: I think like every other mom out there, I really would just adore the ability to multiply. I don’t know if that would change the world, but it would certainly help with my to do list.

AT: When and Why did you go natural with your hair?

EC: I went natural when I was 17. Basically because I was both political and lazy. I wrote all about it here CurlyNikki and here BGLHonline

AT: What are your favorite hair products?

EC: If Oyin Handmade ever goes public, I’m going to be the first to buy stock. I use their Whipped Shea Butter, Shine & Define, Brown Sugar Pomade, AND their Whipped Pudding. They seriously need to like put me on a poster or something, b/c I represent.

AT: What is your favorite hairstyle?

EC: I love putting in four cornrows at night along with some whipped pudding and Shine and Define and Aloe Vera Gel. It takes 15 minutes and your hair looks awesome when you take them out.

AT: What movie is guaranteed to make you laugh?

EC: I don’t rewatch movies. But back when I did, UNDERCOVER BROTHER was my go-to.

AT: What do you love about wearing your hair natural? Greatest challenge?

EC: I love the versatility of natural hair and how the growing out process MAKES you change. Just when I get settled on one style, my hair kind of outgrows it. I love that. I find nothing challenging about being natural.

AT: How does the media influence your self-image?

EC: Rather positively. It feels like there are a lot of natural women in commercials these days. But even when there weren’t, that was cool. I like being different.

AT: What is your victory statement or positive self-talk? What allows you to rise above inundation of negativity. What keeps your beauty pure on the inside?

EC: There’s a line from “The World Should Revolve Around Me,” this fantastic Little Jackie song and it goes, “There’s only one me in the galaxy.” And then there’s another line: “Ain’t nothing gonna come between me and my Afro.” I absolutely live those two lines.

  

AT: Is there anything else you would like to add?

EC: Thanks so much for the fabulous hair talk. Do come visit me at my book blog, 32Candles.com or at my community blog, Fierce and Nerdy. 

17 Life Lessons from 17 weeks of Bedrest

17 weeks of bedrest complete! I get asked all the time “how did you do that?” usually followed up with “I could never do that.” There are many answers to this question. And some of the answers have been found here in this series. But in a nutshell, I had to remember that what I was saying YES to was much more important than what I was saying NO to.  A healthy baby vs. carrying on with play dates all summer was just not an equal match. And I think many of you would surprise yourself if you were presented with the same option. Keep your life for the next 4+ months or keep your baby? Baby says “pick me, pick me, MOM.” And that is what I did and most likely what you would do too*

Along the way I learned these 17 life lessons here are the last 5. 

Hopefully this time next week, I am holding my new baby… 

13. Be mindful of your priorities and don’t let the demands of life turn them upside down.

14. Be religiously committed to what brings you peace(prayer, reading, exercise, journaling) If mama is happy then hubby and kiddos have a chance at being happy. Cliche, but true.

15. Listen to your body and your spirit when it is telling you to slow down. Don’t let circumstance knock you off your feet and force you to bring balance to your life.

16. When circumstances are tough seek for personal growth. Don’t be in such a hurry to be done with it and move on. Look for the lesson to be learned, learn it and then stand on top of it and live it.

17. Showering everyday is overrated!!!

He thinks your hair is SEXY

10 Beauty Moves Guys Find Sexy

We asked, they spilled. Real guys dish about what they find sexiest in their mates. We bet some of their turn-ons surprise you!

When You Toss the Hair Dryer

Photo: Ben Goldstein/Studio D

"Amy refuses to leave the house without stick-straight hair," says Steve, 23, of his naturally curly-haired girlfriend. "It's ridiculous! Every day, she spends hours in the bathroom using that straightener thing. I wish she'd leave it curly, at least a few days a week."

We're pretty sure that the "straightener thing" Steve was referring to is a flatiron, and we're even more sure that he's echoing the sentiment of many more guys out there: We like your hair just the way it is!

"This one's spent hundreds, no, thousands, of dollars on relaxers, extensions, perms, and color jobs over the years," says Clement, 45, of his wife, Cherie. "You name it, she's tried it. But eventually, she came to realize what I'd known all along: that she was blessed with beautiful hair naturally."

"Her hair was, honest to God, bright yellow," says Jason, 42, of a bad dye his wife had a few years ago. "I mean, it really looked terrible — like a highlighter. After that, she stopped coloring her hair, and I think she's never looked better."

"[My girlfriend] Danielle's got really thick hair," says Steve, 30. "She's probably in the bathroom about two hours every day, just working on her hair. Which is fine, except she thinks it only takes her about 30 minutes, so when we're running late for something and she says 'Oh, I'm just going to hop in the shower and do my hair real quick,' it's frustrating. Every hair does not have to be perfect, woman!"

I love that there are men out there who think this way! I also love that girls with curly to kinky hair textures can do so many different looks with her hair; flat iron, extensions, weaves, luscious curls, and afro kinks.  Let’s remember that our natural look is equally as beautiful as the sleek straight and is appreciated by good men. 

Fabulous Fro Friday: Olivia Wells

Today AfroTina talks with 13yr. old Olivia. She is a fun and spunky young woman who has fantasies of giving the human race a dose of common sense. Hope you enjoy.

xoxo
Tina

AT: How would you describe natural beauty?

OW: Natural beauty to me is being able to dress and be yourself regardless of how others look at you or act toward you. Understanding that you are who you are and being happy with your self.  Once you manage that beauty will flow from you heart out into the world.

AT: How has that definition of natural beauty true in your life?

OW: As I look at all these other "teens" doing their own thing, which is really just what the person next to them is doing, I am able to shed light to their sheltered mines. Being true to myself and staying happy no matter what comes my way puts me in a position to be the example for everyone who is struggling to "keep up with the Jones's."  My ability to do this only makes me more naturally beautiful.

AT: What inspires your style?

OW: My style honestly comes from whatever mood I’m in whether that’s lazy or summeryish I go with my flow. Even if what I feel isn’t in style I still try to keep it pretty original.

AT: What are your most valuable qualities?

OW: I would have to say my ability to interact with people. I am outgoing which allows me to make friends easily. Plus I’m a natural born leader I break it down for everybody stuck in their shell. Most of the time people are watching how people do their thang, so I gotta step up and show them how it's done.

AT: If you were a superhero, what would be your superpower? And how would you change the world with it?

OW: Out of all the possibilities I would have to say COMMON SENSE. Because for whatever reason people don’t use it.  See it would go a little something like this; a person would have an issue and when they needed an answer they would simply call out “Lady O”.  Then I would swoop in like nothing, listen to the situation and with the snap of my fingers relieve them of stupidity... SIMPLE!

AT: When and Why did you go natural with your hair?

OW: Actually natural was never really my thing.  I had long nice naturally curly hair but for what ever reason I put a relaxer in it and me being a mixed bread and all the chemicals really messed me up big time. That was about 2 years ago and my hair is still recovering so natural was a away of nurturing my hair back to heath.  As it grew back I started to look in the mirror more and more and I realized that; HEY! I look good. So I've stuck with it ever since and I love it.

AT: What are your favorite hair products?

OW: I’m absolutely in love with Ecco Styling Gel which is oil based for my side burns, Blue Magic for my braids, and of course Treseme's Flawless Curls shampoo and conditioner for my natural fro. They are totally my HBF’s! (hair’s best friends)

AT: What is your favorite hairstyle?

OW: My number one fav has to be the MOHAWK on the real, I look swaged out and plus I get a lot of props. Usually it's twisted up into the hawk with a little Treseme moose for those super swirl curls and every blue moon I’ll have it braided that is what I call my boneified rockstar look.

AT: What do you love about wearing your hair natural? Greatest challenge?

OW: I love how my blonde is faded in to my little swirlies and how my hair basically matches my sweet mocha skin tone. The style is a killer because sleeping with a fro is no joke I don’t wrap it or band it, I sleep with it which I do pay for in the morning but its not that bad just spray and flip and I’m good to go.

AT: How does the media influence your self-image?

OW: Just like all the other hatters in the world the media is the same. As a young teen we get fed this horrible crap about dropping school and getting into the fast life.  Since we mostly relate to fashion that’s where the media steps in, placing advertisements about hair and clothes and jewelry and shoes that makes our teens go crazy. Of course we want to rock the "new, new," so we flow with the examples we see causing lots of kids to follow everything and everybody.

However if we rise up and be who we are and not be a target then we can maintain a respectable image not for the public but for ourselves.  I guess what I’m saying is I don’t let the latest fads and the hottest styles affect who I am as Olivia, sure I see them and I want it all who doesn’t, but I make sure what I choose to view on the media doesn’t dictate me as a person or my actions as a teen trying to make it in the big city!

AT: What is your victory statement or montra: what allows you to rise above inundation of negativity. What keeps your beauty pure on the inside?

OW: My all time thing is this " you gotta ‘DO YOU’ regardless and without destroying everything around you. Tell the hatters along the way to fallback.  Stay focused, life is no joke and its to short to waste on drama with everybody trying to break you down.  Stand up and keep on trucking!" That’s like my little pep talk for my friends and it's the truth.  Believe in yourself and hang on to those words and you can go far and accomplish great things.

AT: Is there anything else you would like to add?

OW: For all my sisters nationwide doing their thang keep on work'N it ladies!

17 Life lessons from 17 weeks of Bedrest

As I am getting closer to baby’s Birth Day and my bedrest days are coming to an end. I realize there are a few things I am going to miss about being on lockdown. For one, I think everyday should start with breakfast in bed and two, I read 6 books in 4months… 6books! 

So as I say farewell to those luxuries, here is my next installment of Life Lessons from 4 months of bedrest.

9. Put a big smile on your face for no good reason.

10. When you are feeling your lowest, physically and emotionally… know that you can still go on. Take it one day at a time and if necessary one hour at a time.

11. When you want to receive, give instead.

12. Sincerely say THANK YOU a gazillion times a day.

till next time,

Tina 

Operation Nubian Twist

Jilly, Aneesah, Hubby, Mom

This hair project started off at 3pm with high spirits and big smiles. Everyone assumed their positions, mom and Jilly behind the head and my hubby running up cold drinks and all things sugar.  My friend and hair confidant Aneesah inspired this style and purchased the hair for the day.  First on the list was making sure this style looked good and a close second was getting done before midnight.

There are many new twist-out styles hitting mainstream. They originate from parts of Egypt and Africa. I have done the Senegalese and now the Nubian Twist.  Jilly is a finishing expert and was determined to make every twist look exactly the same.  She would not give up till we had the formula perfected and was willing to do as many do-over’s as necessary. My mom on the other hand spotted a hair project disaster ahead of us…

It was about 4.30p and mom realized we were not going to have enough hair. We were 1/3 of the way done and something told me this look was not going to pass as finished. So just as Aneesah was settling into the wall bench with a book and iced drink in hand she was put on hair store duty.  The original store Aneesah purchased the hair from was 60 minutes round trip. So in true overly optimistic fashion we said, let’s just go to the one down the street first. By the time she made it back and we looked at it and realized it was not going to work it was 5pm. Normal store hours on Sunday is 6pm so to be safe Aneesah headed out to the original store and my mom headed off to another store in the opposite direction, equally as far away. Me? What could I do? Nothing. But look up addresses online and call ahead.

So there we are, me and Jilly, with 1/3 of my hair done and our precious time tick-tocking away…  By 6pm we were back on track with operation Nubian twist.  For the first time since I went natural I think I have found a hairstyle that represents my hair personality without it being my actual Afro. I am thrilled about this because, now when I vacate or need a break from maintaining the fro I have a style I can wear.

 

The other thing I love about this story is how far I have come with my beauty confidence.  As a teenager whenever I had my hair done I put my house on lockdown. Nobody could come in unless they new the secret password. Window blinds were pulled and I went into hibernation while we took braids out and put them back in. Now, not only do I have my closest friends involved but I am sharing my pictures on the world wide web. I guess progress is the best we can ever expect of ourselves. I may not be where I want to be but one thing is for sure, I am not where I was!

Fabulous Fro Friday: Shala Curtis

AT: Hi, Shala tell us a little about yourself. What makes you tick?

SC: hey!! I am an 18-year-old high school graduate. I will be attending college this September and I will be majoring in business. Three years ago I moved with my family from New Orleans to the Nashville area. I miss home a lot but Tennessee isn’t all bad.

I love my family and my friends they mean the world to me. For a past time I love to crochet and collect purses, so far I am up to 180!  I also love learning about my natural hair I can spend hours at a time just watching videos on youtube about natural hair.  But I cannot forget the most important thing, laughing. I love to laugh; it’s good for the soul.

AT: How would you describe natural beauty?

SC: In my opinion, natural beauty is feeling comfortable in the skin you’re in and you accepting who you are. Once you accept yourself that’s when the rest of the world is going to accept you.

AT: How has that definition of natural beauty true in your life?

SC: Since I’ve decided to go natural its been true, because I had to tell myself that not everybody is going to accept my hair in its natural state. There will be ignorant people that will say certain things just to bring me down or try change my mind about my decision, but I can't let that get to me because I know that I made the right decision for my hair.

AT: What inspires your style?

SC: If you mean like hairstyle …  it would be the 60’s/70’s era.

AT: What are your most valuable qualities?

SC: My sense of humor. My trustworthiness. My ability to admit when I’m wrong.

AT: If you were a superhero, what would be your superpower?

SC: if I were a superhero my name would be WONDER FRO! I would snap my fingers and my hair would transform into a different hairstyle and anything I think about is what my fro could become.

AT: When and why did you go natural with your hair?

SC: My last relaxer was in June of 2009 and I did the famous big chop on March the 5^th, 2010! The reason why I went natural is because I was tired of bone straight hair, and honestly I was tired of looking like everybody else. I was tired of not being able to do certain things because I had a fresh relaxer like going swimming, exercising, etc. and let’s not talk about the breakage, OMG.

I always loved big hair and right before I decided to stop getting relaxers I would do bantu knots or twist my hair to my scalp and take it apart and It would be a big curly fro type style and I’d have my famous huge fro-hawk.  Then… It’s like something whispered in my ear and said “Shala, you can have big hair 24/7. You can go swimming without worrying about your hair, you can exercise and not worry about “sweating your perm out” (which is a myth), you won’t have to worry about excessive breakage, you won’t have any of those problems!(Haha) All you have to do is go natural…” I never even gave natural hair a thought because I didn’t know much about it, so I started doing my research and learning more and more and I decided to give it a shot and I haven’t looked back since.

AT: What are your favorite hair products?

SC: As of now, its Herbal Essences Hello Hydration conditioner.

AT: What is your favorite hairstyle?

SC: My favorite style is when I stretch my hair out, and I have a huge fro. My second favorite is a 3 day old twist out. 

AT: What movie is guaranteed to make you laugh?

SC: Friday

AT: What do you love about wearing your hair natural? Greatest challenge?

SC: what I love about wearing my hair natural is that I don’t have to put much thought into it.  

AT: What is your victory statement or positive self-talk? What allows you to rise above inundation of negativity? What keeps your beauty pure on the inside?

SC: my positive talk is: “I’m not sure what the key to success is but the key to failure is trying to please everybody”- Bill Cosby

AT: Is there anything else you would like to add?

SC:  I would like to think AfroTina for giving me this opportunity!

Shala, thank you for your time and for showing us your fabulous fro!

17 Life Lessons from 17 weeks of Bedrest

My older two standing next to their handmade baby countdown

I am on week 15 of my pregnancy sentence. I am getting more and more giddy as my parole date approaches. In the meantime I will share with you the next 4 lessons I have learned from this time in my life. (If you are just joining us, I started this last wednesday, scroll down and take a peak if you would like to get caught up)

5. Learn to erase the notable skill of ‘control freak’ from your resume.

6. Do what you only REALLY want to do. Ok, this one is within some reason. The headliner here is, we can easily get caught up in the tasks and responsibilities others pass on to us.  The important thing is to make sure the assignment lines up with your life’s mission and that it brings joy into your home. 

7. Let the kids run around all day in Pj’s and bed hair.

8.Tell your loved ones everyday that you love them and are grateful for them.  (As soon as I read this one, my husband popped up from the couch with a huge smile on his face, looking for his daily love note. Smooches, I love you honey.)

Senegalese Twist

This picture is after I tried to fluff it back up

So as I mentioned I have been on bedrest with my third pregnancy for the last 15 weeks and because I have to lie down frequently my Afro ends up looking like a mangled puppy. So it wasn’t long before I realized I needed a more bedridden friendly hairstyle.  So for the last 13 weeks I have been wearing the Senegalese twist. This style took my team and me 8 hours, 4pm-12am. I say team because my hair posse consists of my faithful mama and my friend Jilly Woo.

Senegalese Twist. (thank you Anna for
doing my makeup, I felt like prego hotness)

My Mom and I thought we had the specialty twist figured out until Jilly showed up and we discovered that my Asian friend had a gifting in those little hands.  She had the ability to coil and twist at the same time which is required for the Senegalese twist.  By 10pm my black mama had it down….  Jilly got to us later than expected because on her way to my house, out of concern we were going to run out of hair, we sent her to the ‘Hair Store’. Once she arrived at the store we did our best to instruct her on what to do… you know, helpful things like… ‘look for the hair on the wall’ and ‘it’s the hair in the blue package that says Afro Kinky” So there she is turning circles trying to find the right hair with her kin breathing down her neck. After a few laughs and Q&A she got the right package and made it to my house.

Nubian Twist

So between shopping at the hair store, an Asian twisting my hair, and my mom learning the coil twist from the Asian and my white husband serving us for the evening. The whole night was a successful blending of the races!!!  

So this week the Senegalese twist are coming out and we are going for the Nubian Twist ... one thing is for sure, we will have a story to tell.

Fabulous Fro: Have a Good Weekend!

One of the young girls who inspire this blog is my baby girl! Here she is sporting her happy Afro. I think she looks beautiful and I take advantage of every opportunity to tell her that and to teach her to love her natural curly hair.

Here's to Good Women! 

May we know them, 

May we be them, 

May we raise them.

All of us influence the next generation. This little girl with the big innocent grin is watching me. Who is watching you? What makes the largest impact on them is the life that we live.  As we are good people, we raise good people and therefore change a generation. 

17 Life Lessons from 17 weeks of Bedrest

For the last 14 weeks I have been in pregnancy jail, aka BEDREST. The good news is that my baby is healthy my body simply wants to deliver it prematurely. I call my baby an ‘it’ because the gender is a… SURPRISE!! This is our 3^rd child, our oldest is a boy and our second is a girl. We are expecting a sparkling baby girl, however there are countless benefits to having a boy so we are thrilled either way.

As I wind down to the last few weeks of this season, I thought it might be fun to share a few things I have learned, lessons I hope will stick with me for a lifetime.  I get paroled on August 22^nd at which point I will have been on bedrest for 17 weeks. So for the next four Wednesday’s, in honor of baby's arrival, I am going to share with you 17 lessons from 17 weeks of bedrest. For some, maybe this sentence wouldn’t have been so dire but for a controlling busybody like myself, this was a stretch. 

1. If YOU don’t do it, it will get done.

2. There are other qualified people to fold towels. I mean really, do we need to sweat bullets over how a towel is folded.

3. Quit wishing time would stop, and stop it. Sit and read a book, I promise your world will not blow up. You are not lazy, selfish, or disconnected if you choose to let your kids plan amongst themselves while you indulge in your favorite past time. 

4. Reach out to people. Ask for help. This one has been and is hard for me. One of the things I have seen is that, your friends like to be a part of your life and share in it's ups and downs. As I have reached out to my friends during this time, they have also reached out to me in different ways. This dependency has been mutually fulfilling. 

Smooches to you, till next time

xoxo

Tina  

You Look Beautiful Today

This picture was taken in the electric city of San Francisco August of 2005. We went to see the American Idol concert and to enjoy the city life and it should have been, hands down, one of the best vacations ever!  And by the looks of this picture you would think it was, and honestly in some ways it was. However one of the more prominent things in my mind when I think back on the trip is how horribly ugly I felt the entire time.  I had just started my hair transition and I felt like any insecurity I had ever had about myself was slapping me in the face the whole time. I was stuck in a place of comparison with any and everyone I saw.  I felt bad for my husband that he had to have me on his arm. Have you ever been there? It is toxic a behavior that we are not built to carry. 

This picture was taken in my home city of Seattle the summer of 2009. My friend Kelly and I threw a baby shower for our friend Sasha (seated in the chair).  I remember getting ready that day and loving the color yellow on my skin and thinking “you look beautiful today”.  I went on about my day and my tasks and felt surprisingly strong in my spirit. Later when I saw this picture I was astounded at how glorious my skin looked. I impressed myself with how proud I was to have dark skin.

It is so easy to get stuck in the dangerous trap of comparison and competition.  I encourage you to ask yourself hard questions. Be honest with yourself about what you are and what you are not.  Then be proud of what you have and resist the urge to be depressed about what you don’t.  Freedom from comparison and competition is possible.