Let’s revisit the ‘Black power to the people’ entry…. Toward the end of this entry I made this statement.
All of these thoughts were going through my head and I was embarrassed at my self-hatred and contempt. At this point I realized the depth of this change extended beyond simply getting a new hairstyle. I was going to have to address buried emotions of why I have been called the ‘white, black girl’ and my disassociation with my ethnicity.
Whoa!!! Heavy stuff tinkabinka…. What does that mean? I don’t know exactly, but I’ll give it a try. I think that if I were talking to a counselor they would listen to that statement… and say “Hmmm… tell me more.” Realizing that the key to breakthrough lies within these three sentences. Soooo, let me say more. But before I do that let me say this…
Talking about race makes me REALLY up tight because discussing it is new to me. So please be patient with me as I search for the right words. My approach in the past has been, ‘ya I’m black but who cares, that means nothing to me.’ But I think I would be remiss if I didn’t address how my disassociation with my race has affected my hair journey. So Please remember I always want to bring unity and acceptance. I want to be a bridge of understanding that extends to all races.
*** The ‘white black girl' ***
Just writing that statement makes me cringe. I immediately feel inadequate, unaccepted and sooooo misplaced. And yet, so many people have called me this all the years of my life. What does it mean? I wonder if Condoleeza Rice knows how I feel, as I search for respectable company, because as the saying goes, misery loves company.
I was raised in a good family with committed parents but we really didn’t discuss race. It usually was brought up when it was connected to us being in trouble such as …. ‘get your black butt to your room’ or if someone was being irresponsible 'they are so ghetto, just actin' black'… something along those lines..
So now, I am going through this hair transition that is bringing out my ethnicity and it’s causing me to address my self-hatred and contempt; because it is really hard to sport an Afro and not accept the fact that you are a black woman. And maybe, just maybe, that is why I was an easy target for the 'white, black girl' comments
I don’t think I have all the answers nor do I think I have explored the fullness of what I am stirring up here, but this is what I do know…I see all four of these images as equally beautiful, smart, sexy, capable, professional and successful.
.
And I know I could not have said that 5 years ago….
So while I admit there is more progress for me to make in this area of my life. I invite you to experience your own baby steps to self acceptance, whatever the particular issue may be.
And I know I could not have said that 5 years ago….
So while I admit there is more progress for me to make in this area of my life. I invite you to experience your own baby steps to self acceptance, whatever the particular issue may be.
3 comments:
OMMMMMMMMMMMMGGGGG! This is sooo good...wow! Your journey is amazing. I have been through some of the same things, although I quickly got to the point where I would correct the "white" Black girl thing. Someone once said...your different...your not like the rest. Your right, I am not like the rest of anyone ( white or black). I am ME, fearfully and wonderfully made by my Father. He DID NOT make any mistakes.
And yet when I was a teenager, all the "brothers" at my school always told me I was almost just as fine as the "sisters." After which, they would pay me a compliment about my ample backside, and my curves. (Seriously, not in a degrading way; like, they actually MEANT it!) This was the ONLY time in my life someone actually complimented and affirmed that I was not a skinny minnie. One of the ONLY times any of my friends referred to my body type as a positive thing. Any wonder I began wanting to date interracially? LOL
This post was wonderful! We are who we are it doesn't need an explanation. You get tired of the "white girl" thing after awhile, of course I did marry outside of my race amd of course they all said that they knew I would. We are not only who we are but we are attracted to who we're attracted to without actually having control over it, you can't force love, well you can but it never lasts. Although my parents have often told me that I said that I was white as a child only brought up because of school, my parents didn't really focus on race, I wasn't upset when I found out I wasn't..lol. In saying that if someone had told me that I would ever be joining a blog that inspires natural girls I would have said umm nope that will never happen. Funny how things turn out as I sit here commenting on your post with with two to three inches of kinky not so curly hair. Who knew?
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